I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
