yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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