I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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