Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
