cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
