he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so let's talk penis.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
