How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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