Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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