Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
