i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
