She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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