let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
worst night to have a conscience
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
