What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
