I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He felt like a one man threesome
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
