I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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