just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
