How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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