apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
