i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
