they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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