they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
