We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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