I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
