some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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