Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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