I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
