I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
