I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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