Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
