she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
