She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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