just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
