i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
