Say something about gay babies.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
