Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
