I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
