I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
