Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
