Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
