if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
