I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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