hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
