I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
