i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
