Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
