I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
