The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
