Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
