he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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