She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
