She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
