there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
