You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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