I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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