Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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