Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
