Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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