omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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